for perfect hotel sleeping …

  • ensure that the ventilation system sounds like an idling Morris Minor
  • insist that the alarm clock has a brightly-backlit display that won’t turn off, and is curved, so light will leak out no matter what you block it with
  • smoke alarms must have a flashing LED bright enough to cause retinal POV trails.

Yes, Downers Grove Doubletree Guest Suites, I’m talking about you.

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